Here I sit trying to think of what to write on this subject. Is it going to be a sad story? No, I think not, as it is really quite hilarious! I always wanted to get married but not till I hit the age of 45. I wanted to enjoy my life, raise a couple kids and doing it all by myself. Well that part came true and I must admit it, was a very wise choice for me. But then the boys grew up and the magic age of 45 came… and went. I am still single. What happened to my dream wedding? Oh I have had quite a few near misses, four to be exact. Yes, I was proposed to 4 times with a ring and the whole future planned out. But each time I backed out. I was starting to feel like Julia Roberts in the movie Runaway Bride.
I honestly think I am just a weirdo magnet. Not just your average weirdo, but obsessively possessive controlling weirdos. Oh they were all nice fellows while dating, having fun and the whole getting to know each other stage. They loved my independence and spontaneity. I didn’t call them to come over to fix things as I just fixed the stuff myself. But I would call them to go on crazy road trips to see the world through laughs and companionship. Then once that one question came out, “will you marry me?” and I said “yes!” the old male possessiveness would come raging in like a crazy bull after a cow in heat. Yup then it was time to stay in the barn never to see the outside again unless I was cow tied to them. How in the world do I find these fellas?
So fast forward several years here I am wondering if I will ever get to walk down the isle without a walker to hold me up.
I tried e-harmony for a few years but was so gun shy of that sort of thing I only committed to meeting one fella and that was a bust. I have even been hooked up to go on a blind date through my new neighbor. She claimed we would be perfect together. I jumped right on that one. So this guy and I emailed each other for a couple weeks and he sounded fantastic. Then his emails stopped for a week or so. My next message from him was a Dear John email. He stated that his life was too busy to get involved with anyone and he was just happy being single. Crap… stood up and I didn’t even get to meet the guy. After that hilarious episode a workmate decided she would try to hook me up with a friend of her husbands and I gave her my email address to give him and this one didn’t even message me. Stood up before I even had a chance to say boo.
I heard once that a great place to find a guy is at the grocery store. No it is not, BELIEVE ME on that one. Once I was in the spice isle at the grocery store, I spied my target and thought “hey he looks like a nice fella”. I decided to strike up a conversation about seasonings and he ended up arguing that garlic salt is by far superior to garlic powder. Literally he was having a high blood pressure attack discussing it with his face turning a dangerous color of red. I scurried away with my wobbly wheeled shopping cart before the authorities were called and I got arrested for harassment.
There is this really old fella that comes into the store where I work and started flirting with me pretty huge. I think to myself he is a bit too old but hey nothing else seems to be coming my way. Maybe I can at least get a dinner date out of him before he keels over. I then go to the lunchroom and there my buddy is telling me of this really old fella flirting up a storm with her. No dating that 2 timing old fart!
Oh and talking of keeling over I have had 2 different fellas die on me while in the dating process. I try not to tell those stories too often because they are so funny I usually start laughing so hard I can’t finish the story.
I think I am destined to be single, which isn’t a bad thing by the way. I quite like it, I just wouldn’t mind a date once in awhile. Maybe I should just change Dyna’s name to a male name like Andy for instance. Then at least I can say things like “Oh I didn’t do much this weekend but I did go out with Andy for a bit, we had a nice romantic walk in the park and strolled along the riverside.”
People keep telling me “someone will come along when you least expect it.” I wish they would stop saying that because I am at the point where I really don’t expect it at all… EVER! Please don’t think this is upsetting me as I really do think it is kinda funny and hey, it’s life and life is funny!